life lessons

champagne during work happy hour is a bad idea.

i'm more athletic now

One minute I'm jogging along the river listening to Feist, and the next minute...okay. okay. so I wasnt really "jogging" per se. It was more like "slowly trotting". Some would even call it "walking". And I wasn't really listening to Feist...it was Fergie. Fergalicious to be exact. (and no i wouldnt pay for that garbage- it was illegally downloaded, thank you.) But writers are allowed to embellish, right? okay, okay. So I'm not really a "writer" per se, but more like a "blogger" .... But i digress. So I'm slowly trotting along the river and a possum high up in a tree catches my eye. And I guess I got caught up in the moment. Maybe it was because I am an American in Australia. Or maybe it's because I was wearing khaki shorts and hiking boots* , but i totally had a terri irwin moment and started talking to the possum. As I am talking to this possum, it is looking me right in the eyes. it's listening. It was truely a moment. Then this possum starts climbing down the tree towards me like I was freakin Snow White or something.!! It was going to cuddle with me!!!! either that or KICK MY ASS! I freeze like a deer in headlights until i noticed two more possums just up the footpath** . I immediately assume this possum has called his little possum posse and i am definitely going to be attacked. maybe even killed. Or at least infected by rabies***. Well I quickly picked up my "slow trot" to a "mild jog" and got the hell out of there.




*Just for clarity, this is definitely another embellishment
**Australian for sidewalk
***turns out they don't even have rabies here. at all. that is why their quarantine laws are so strict. (shot out to my lil kitty Luna back in the states.)

More FAQs

1. How much is gasoline?

Gasoline here is cheap and regulated by the government. And they dont call it gas - it's petrol. The signs say $123.9. i am not sure what unit that is. I dont drive. But sometimes I buy bread at the gas station. It's 3.29 / loaf.

1a. What are the names of the most common oil/gas companies there?

BP and Shell are the only stations I have seen.

2. Is everything in metric units or do they still use the Imperial units as well and equally. I was very surprised to learn - just last summer - that the Imperial units are still common in England. They use both in Britain.

Everything is pretty much in metric units. Pommy bastards dont know what they're doing. (that's aussie slang for british people. possibly offensive. And they call Americans "Seppos", which comes from septic tank. )

3. What is the weather like now? Spring time, I know, but what is springtime in Australia like?

well now it is almost summer. During the day it is about 29 C, which is maybe 85 F. At night, it is really nice - i can open the windows and be comfortable. People keep saying it will be REALLY hot in Jan - Feb but i just don't believe them yet.

3a. Trees. What trees are there?

Well, I know nothing about trees. I do know that they're green here. similar to Texas trees, but haven't seen any pecan trees, or magnolias. (I think those are the only trees I know.) There are palm trees here.

4. How big a star are the "Hollywood Aussies & Kiwis" there? Mel Gibson, Nicole Kidman, Sam Neil, Melanie Linsky, Lucy Lawless, etc. Is there any real national pride in these actors or are Brad Pitt and Pamela Anderson bigger stars?

The tabloids here are just like the US. same fascination with the same crappy people. But with an added dose of the spice girls. gag.

5. What is (are) the common car(s) there?

Honda, Toyota, Ford, Kia. i recognize every type of car except for Holden, which is a big one here. But the best part about cars down here, is that people drive an updated version of EL CAMINOS!!! hilarious.

6. Burger Kings? McDonalds? What-a-burgers? What other American embarrassments are there?

Burger King is Hungry Jacks. McDonalds is the only other fast food place i have seen. The biggest American embarrassment here is really crappy TV shows. like Singing Bee, and Ghost Whisperer, and American news.

7. What do they call a quarter pounder? A Royale with Cheese?

hmmmm...maybe they do use imperial units...

8. Where - what part of Australia - would you find a Koala and/ or a Platypus? And Rheas?

there are koalas in my area out in the wild. I bet you could find a platypus at the zoo. Rheas? beats the hell outta me

9. Levis?

yes

10. Australia, like America, was made up of immigrants beating the hell out of the natives. Who are the largest immigrants now?

Asians, thank god. I don't know what I would be eating if they weren't here!

11. Are there penguins on the southern most tip of Australia?

ill get back to you on that one. I do know that the best wine and beer comes from southern Australia.

12. Are the Great White Sharks more common in the north, by the Great Barrier Reef - or in the south - where the water is colder and there are seals to feed on?

People say you should be more worried about Sharks near the reef.

13. What is the most common breed of dog you see living in the town?

I hardly see dogs at all. :( But the refrigerated dog food section is way bigger than the vegetarian section.

14. Music. What is the most popular band there? Or solo act or whatever? Home grown or imported? What about a band like RUSH who hasn't toured there in years?

music is a lot like the US. less rap. more house. pop music ---um, I guess Silverchair is big now. They're Australian. And of course Kylie. Some chick named Delta... Don't know about any older bands.

15. Is there anything from here that you would like us to send you to keep you supplied? Toilet paper? How about some Blue Bonnet seeds? No? OK... anything else? Salsa? Doritos?

morningstar tofu products, wheat thins, triscuits, Chi hair products, corn tortillas, real salsa, st arnolds christmas ale, and a DVD player because I can't watch any of my DVDs here on the TV.

down under and back asswards

Well everyone knows that this is Australia is the land Downunder, but I dont think people really realize/realise how backwards little things can be. I've been trying to take note of all these little things. Some of them are obvious, some just different, and some very annoying.

1. light switches - to turn on the lights in my apartment, you flick the switches down instead of up.

2. locks - to lock lock the door, you turn the key opposite of the way you want the lock to go. hard to explain, but very annoying.

3. cab - in a cab, you get in the front seat, not the back. apparently people don't rob cab drivers down under.

4. table - If you table something, instead of that meaning that you put it off, you do it right away.

5. fanny - a big one. Down under, fanny does not mean butt. it means...well i would never type something like that on my blog, but the word contains these letters - yssup - and rhymes with pussy.

6. Instead of chasing someone down, you chase them up. (eg "Try and chase up Susan from HR - she'll know the answer.") weird.

7. The first floor - is actually the US second floor. I walk into the building, walk up a flight of stairs and I think I'm on the second floor. Well if you ask the IT guys to bring you a new computer, and that you're on the 2nd floor, they take a really long time. And arrive kinda mad.

8. Of course there is the driving on the wrong side of the road. And the driver's side being on the right... I still notice people on the left side of the car asleep or texting and have a mild panic attack thinking they're about to steer into the sidewalk and run over me.

9. You hail a bus, but you are not allowed to hail a cab. weird, huh?

And FYI - I have witnessed water going down the drain counterclockwise. I actually filled a sink to check. And I don't think that is allowed under the current LEVEL 5 water restrictions. Shhh...Don't tell the authorities.

City Pictures

The Aussie Salute

"The Aussie Salute" is a phrase for swatting flies away from your face. I had no idea there would be flies so annoying here. They're just like regular house flies in the US, but these things fly at your face and they're everywhere. And they don't stop flying at your face once you give them the good old salute. They just keep coming back for more. I have a theory about the flies. I think this country is too clean. Perhaps if there was more dog shit and trash laying around, they'd have somewhere else to go. I guess for a fly the next best place after trash and dog shit is the human face.

A TACKY TALLY!!

Homeless People = 3
Black People = 7
Pickup Trucks = 2
Indian People = 14
Little People = 1
Cowboy Hats = 0
Kangaroos = 3

hilarity and health together at last.

November is known as "Movember" here, Australia's month to raise prostate cancer awareness (apparently they are starting it in the US as well). And instead of everyone just shelling out cash and wearing a stupid ribbon on their sweater, people enlist in MUSTACHE growing contests at work! I couldn't be more excited to celebrate and promote healthy junk...pun intended.


http://www.movember.com/

don't do it America!

So I know this is not something actually on America's current ToDo list, but every once in a while I hear people talk about how the drinking age should be lowered to 18. because if youre old enough to fight for your country, you should be old enough to drink and blah blah blah. well America, Don't do it!! there is nothing more annoying that a herd of 18year old pimply faced kids at a bar. or running around in the streets wasted. they're idiots. Maybe deep down I'm just afraid that one day I'd have too much to drink and start flirting with a teenager. the horror. In fact, I think they should RAISE the drinking age. or maybe anyone under, say 25, has to wear a little pin or badge. you know, little "pieces of flair".

i have an accent??

I am always asked "where are you from? canada?" I always figured that there were perhaps there more more Canadians in the area. Or perhaps Australians expect Americans to sound like "yyyyeeeeee-haaaaawwwwww!....gawd bless the eww ess aye!" But I found out the REAL reason today, and actually heard it from two different and independent sources. CANADIANS GET REALLY OFFENDED IF YOU THINK THEY'RE AMERICANS!!! so people always ask if youre Canadian first. i love you canada, i know you have national health care and all, but just let me remind you - you are the home of avril lavigne, shania twian, and celine dion. gawd bless teh ewww ess aye!