life lessons

champagne during work happy hour is a bad idea.

i'm more athletic now

One minute I'm jogging along the river listening to Feist, and the next minute...okay. okay. so I wasnt really "jogging" per se. It was more like "slowly trotting". Some would even call it "walking". And I wasn't really listening to Feist...it was Fergie. Fergalicious to be exact. (and no i wouldnt pay for that garbage- it was illegally downloaded, thank you.) But writers are allowed to embellish, right? okay, okay. So I'm not really a "writer" per se, but more like a "blogger" .... But i digress. So I'm slowly trotting along the river and a possum high up in a tree catches my eye. And I guess I got caught up in the moment. Maybe it was because I am an American in Australia. Or maybe it's because I was wearing khaki shorts and hiking boots* , but i totally had a terri irwin moment and started talking to the possum. As I am talking to this possum, it is looking me right in the eyes. it's listening. It was truely a moment. Then this possum starts climbing down the tree towards me like I was freakin Snow White or something.!! It was going to cuddle with me!!!! either that or KICK MY ASS! I freeze like a deer in headlights until i noticed two more possums just up the footpath** . I immediately assume this possum has called his little possum posse and i am definitely going to be attacked. maybe even killed. Or at least infected by rabies***. Well I quickly picked up my "slow trot" to a "mild jog" and got the hell out of there.




*Just for clarity, this is definitely another embellishment
**Australian for sidewalk
***turns out they don't even have rabies here. at all. that is why their quarantine laws are so strict. (shot out to my lil kitty Luna back in the states.)

More FAQs

1. How much is gasoline?

Gasoline here is cheap and regulated by the government. And they dont call it gas - it's petrol. The signs say $123.9. i am not sure what unit that is. I dont drive. But sometimes I buy bread at the gas station. It's 3.29 / loaf.

1a. What are the names of the most common oil/gas companies there?

BP and Shell are the only stations I have seen.

2. Is everything in metric units or do they still use the Imperial units as well and equally. I was very surprised to learn - just last summer - that the Imperial units are still common in England. They use both in Britain.

Everything is pretty much in metric units. Pommy bastards dont know what they're doing. (that's aussie slang for british people. possibly offensive. And they call Americans "Seppos", which comes from septic tank. )

3. What is the weather like now? Spring time, I know, but what is springtime in Australia like?

well now it is almost summer. During the day it is about 29 C, which is maybe 85 F. At night, it is really nice - i can open the windows and be comfortable. People keep saying it will be REALLY hot in Jan - Feb but i just don't believe them yet.

3a. Trees. What trees are there?

Well, I know nothing about trees. I do know that they're green here. similar to Texas trees, but haven't seen any pecan trees, or magnolias. (I think those are the only trees I know.) There are palm trees here.

4. How big a star are the "Hollywood Aussies & Kiwis" there? Mel Gibson, Nicole Kidman, Sam Neil, Melanie Linsky, Lucy Lawless, etc. Is there any real national pride in these actors or are Brad Pitt and Pamela Anderson bigger stars?

The tabloids here are just like the US. same fascination with the same crappy people. But with an added dose of the spice girls. gag.

5. What is (are) the common car(s) there?

Honda, Toyota, Ford, Kia. i recognize every type of car except for Holden, which is a big one here. But the best part about cars down here, is that people drive an updated version of EL CAMINOS!!! hilarious.

6. Burger Kings? McDonalds? What-a-burgers? What other American embarrassments are there?

Burger King is Hungry Jacks. McDonalds is the only other fast food place i have seen. The biggest American embarrassment here is really crappy TV shows. like Singing Bee, and Ghost Whisperer, and American news.

7. What do they call a quarter pounder? A Royale with Cheese?

hmmmm...maybe they do use imperial units...

8. Where - what part of Australia - would you find a Koala and/ or a Platypus? And Rheas?

there are koalas in my area out in the wild. I bet you could find a platypus at the zoo. Rheas? beats the hell outta me

9. Levis?

yes

10. Australia, like America, was made up of immigrants beating the hell out of the natives. Who are the largest immigrants now?

Asians, thank god. I don't know what I would be eating if they weren't here!

11. Are there penguins on the southern most tip of Australia?

ill get back to you on that one. I do know that the best wine and beer comes from southern Australia.

12. Are the Great White Sharks more common in the north, by the Great Barrier Reef - or in the south - where the water is colder and there are seals to feed on?

People say you should be more worried about Sharks near the reef.

13. What is the most common breed of dog you see living in the town?

I hardly see dogs at all. :( But the refrigerated dog food section is way bigger than the vegetarian section.

14. Music. What is the most popular band there? Or solo act or whatever? Home grown or imported? What about a band like RUSH who hasn't toured there in years?

music is a lot like the US. less rap. more house. pop music ---um, I guess Silverchair is big now. They're Australian. And of course Kylie. Some chick named Delta... Don't know about any older bands.

15. Is there anything from here that you would like us to send you to keep you supplied? Toilet paper? How about some Blue Bonnet seeds? No? OK... anything else? Salsa? Doritos?

morningstar tofu products, wheat thins, triscuits, Chi hair products, corn tortillas, real salsa, st arnolds christmas ale, and a DVD player because I can't watch any of my DVDs here on the TV.

down under and back asswards

Well everyone knows that this is Australia is the land Downunder, but I dont think people really realize/realise how backwards little things can be. I've been trying to take note of all these little things. Some of them are obvious, some just different, and some very annoying.

1. light switches - to turn on the lights in my apartment, you flick the switches down instead of up.

2. locks - to lock lock the door, you turn the key opposite of the way you want the lock to go. hard to explain, but very annoying.

3. cab - in a cab, you get in the front seat, not the back. apparently people don't rob cab drivers down under.

4. table - If you table something, instead of that meaning that you put it off, you do it right away.

5. fanny - a big one. Down under, fanny does not mean butt. it means...well i would never type something like that on my blog, but the word contains these letters - yssup - and rhymes with pussy.

6. Instead of chasing someone down, you chase them up. (eg "Try and chase up Susan from HR - she'll know the answer.") weird.

7. The first floor - is actually the US second floor. I walk into the building, walk up a flight of stairs and I think I'm on the second floor. Well if you ask the IT guys to bring you a new computer, and that you're on the 2nd floor, they take a really long time. And arrive kinda mad.

8. Of course there is the driving on the wrong side of the road. And the driver's side being on the right... I still notice people on the left side of the car asleep or texting and have a mild panic attack thinking they're about to steer into the sidewalk and run over me.

9. You hail a bus, but you are not allowed to hail a cab. weird, huh?

And FYI - I have witnessed water going down the drain counterclockwise. I actually filled a sink to check. And I don't think that is allowed under the current LEVEL 5 water restrictions. Shhh...Don't tell the authorities.

City Pictures

The Aussie Salute

"The Aussie Salute" is a phrase for swatting flies away from your face. I had no idea there would be flies so annoying here. They're just like regular house flies in the US, but these things fly at your face and they're everywhere. And they don't stop flying at your face once you give them the good old salute. They just keep coming back for more. I have a theory about the flies. I think this country is too clean. Perhaps if there was more dog shit and trash laying around, they'd have somewhere else to go. I guess for a fly the next best place after trash and dog shit is the human face.

A TACKY TALLY!!

Homeless People = 3
Black People = 7
Pickup Trucks = 2
Indian People = 14
Little People = 1
Cowboy Hats = 0
Kangaroos = 3

hilarity and health together at last.

November is known as "Movember" here, Australia's month to raise prostate cancer awareness (apparently they are starting it in the US as well). And instead of everyone just shelling out cash and wearing a stupid ribbon on their sweater, people enlist in MUSTACHE growing contests at work! I couldn't be more excited to celebrate and promote healthy junk...pun intended.


http://www.movember.com/

don't do it America!

So I know this is not something actually on America's current ToDo list, but every once in a while I hear people talk about how the drinking age should be lowered to 18. because if youre old enough to fight for your country, you should be old enough to drink and blah blah blah. well America, Don't do it!! there is nothing more annoying that a herd of 18year old pimply faced kids at a bar. or running around in the streets wasted. they're idiots. Maybe deep down I'm just afraid that one day I'd have too much to drink and start flirting with a teenager. the horror. In fact, I think they should RAISE the drinking age. or maybe anyone under, say 25, has to wear a little pin or badge. you know, little "pieces of flair".

i have an accent??

I am always asked "where are you from? canada?" I always figured that there were perhaps there more more Canadians in the area. Or perhaps Australians expect Americans to sound like "yyyyeeeeee-haaaaawwwwww!....gawd bless the eww ess aye!" But I found out the REAL reason today, and actually heard it from two different and independent sources. CANADIANS GET REALLY OFFENDED IF YOU THINK THEY'RE AMERICANS!!! so people always ask if youre Canadian first. i love you canada, i know you have national health care and all, but just let me remind you - you are the home of avril lavigne, shania twian, and celine dion. gawd bless teh ewww ess aye!

Thirty Things in Thirty Days

Today is October 30, 2007. And I have officially been here for a month...i think. these time changes blow my mind. Anyways, In honor, ah-hem I mean honour of my one month anniversary, I'd like to share some things I've learned over the days. In no particular order...

1. Brisbane is a beautiful city!
2. washing something that is "dry clean only" in the sink can lead to black ink all over your bathroom.
3. don't forget your canvas 'go green' bag at the grocery - the plastic bags are bound to break. then the seven dollar lavender candle you bought is going to shatter all over the ground by the bus stop. screw it. you didn't have matches anyways.
4. day light savings time - under appreciated.
   
5. australian ice cream - way better for some reason. (suck it, bluebell!).
   
6. if you are constantly downloading torrents for "flight of the conchords" on "free" internet, the internet will eventually "disappear". but shhhh....the roommates will never know it was you who screwed up the "free" internet.
   
7. "fight of the Conchords" is a lot funnier if youve lived in Australia.
8. Don't be too nice to the old drunk guy at the pool, because he will ALWAYS be there, ALWAYS remember your name, ALWAYS try to sit next to you, ALWAYS try to hang out with you, etc, etc.
9. people dont necessarily have tea at "morning tea" and "afternoon tea".
   
10. harris county toll authority can find you anywhere!
11. aussie-isms - easy to pick up!
12. no worries!
13. television game shows (eg "who wants to be a millionaire") are impossible if youre foreign.
14. driving is overrated!
15. when in doubt, add a "U" between the "O" and the "R".
16. British English is possibly the hardest English to understand. hmmm that's weird. wasn't that the first English?
    
17. "cheers" = "thanks"
18. mexican food - under appreciated!
19. mexicans - under appreciated!
    
20. dont eat toast with honey while typing on your laptop.
21. don't buy the expensive cell phone because you will lose it in less than a month.
    
22. don't fret - the bus will get here. eventually.
23. it's a lot harder than you think to list thirty things you have learned.
24. customs allows ticking metronomes, but nothing with grains of wheat on it.
    
25. $35 pedicures - under appreciated
    
26. stay left!
27. no one really cares about the classic aussie film "young Einstein".
    
28. there is only one scent of febreeze in Australia - "original" and it doesnt smell that good. or original
    
29. those aren't birds - they're BATS!
30. Australia has a big market for "refrigerated dog and cat food".

Australian Wildlife

I was walking around today and saw this little guy just chillin by the sidewalk! He was about 20in long with his tail. Definitely the biggest lizard I have seen out just chillin by the sidewalk. I was able to stand there, dig through my giant purse, get out my camera, and take three pictures! he didnt even bat an eye. (of course I don't think he has eyelids) As i continued to walk, i saw two more little guys, but they werent as big as the first one.

Later that day, I saw the much more elusive and usually nocturnal "Australian Popped Collar" (left) This species is indigenous to the area, and known to be aggressive if you get too close. Luckily, this one didn't even see me.

enjoy!

so awesome.

official Amy Winehouse ashtray and pint glass. I hope the proceeds go directly to her drinking habit. Support your own drinking habit by clicking here.

Wednesday Rantings

Rant Number 1:

Remember when mp3s first came out? It was going to be the end of the entire music industry. The poor record companies weren't going to make any money.... and the artists that had worked just sooo hard on their craft were now going to be actual starving artists. Whatever happened to that? I have had several computers throughout the past years. And sometimes just one CD that i have transferred from pc to pc (once a mac) and then another PC. I tried to rip all of my cds to mp3 before i left. And now, all of a sudden I don't have a license??? I've had that CD since I was 17! And I owned the poster, went to the concert, and bought a shirt too. Now I can't even listen to it?? It really makes me mad. I'd download it on Soulseek, share it with the entire universe and then email it to everyone I know if my internet connection wasn't so slow. (oh yeah - and in Australia - they put a limit on your internet account for downloads and uploads!) It really bugs me. But one thing that brings a smile to my face - Radiohead's new album. Not that I've listened to it yet (i will very soon), but the fact that you can download for free on their website. Go Radiohead!
http://www.inrainbows.com/index.html


Rant Number 2:

A Toll Violation Invoice was forwarded to me in Australia! I can't believe those toll authority bastards found me! Those suckers can charge it to "the game."


Rant Number 3:

All of the woolite products here smells like eucalyptus. As if i want my clothes to smell like vap-o-rub.

someone please explain. v2.0

actually, don't.

The Indy 300

I went down to the Gold Coast this weekend. It was the Indy 300 just off of the coast of Surfer's Paradise. So instead of paying $90 for a ticket, I chilled on the beach. I didn't attend the actual event, but as far as I could tell it was just like the Indy 500 - simply code for beer and boobs. And there was an air show! i think there may have been some sort of car race too...i'm not quite sure.

someone please explain.

snap crackle WEIRD

by the beard of zeus!!

Wild kangaroos!!

When Fashion Goes Wrong:

The Gladiator Sandal. This seriously has to be the worst inspired-by-"300"-trend out there today. The worst!

big steps. huge.

I took the bus for the first time today. I also found veggie burgers and falafel mix. (Please note - they keep the frozen veggie/soy items in the "frozen snacks" section. I'm guessing there aren't many vegetarians in these parts...) And walking home from the store I noticed I was involuntarily walking on the LEFT side of the sidewalk. Cheers!

And now a post for the ladies!

It's no secret - I count calories. I have a horrible/terrific habit of reading ANY nutrition label of ANYTHING i eat (unless of course it's after 3 beers - those calories don't count). i come to Australia somewhat on a health kick, and DANG IT... they count kilojoules here. kJ's! man oh man. I came prepared to switch to the metric system, but energy units seemed to have slipped my mind. kilojoules?? Anyways, I finally looked up the daily intake of kilojoules. Turns out it's way higher than i was thinking. As in several thousand kilojoules higher than I was thinking. As a matter of fact, I think I'd be severely malnourished if it werent for the horrible/terrific encounters with the giant jar of Nutella in my fridge. mmmmmmhhhhhmmmmmmm

frequently asked questions

Here are some questions I have been asked recently about living abroad:

1. what is the wall current in Australia?

not sure.

2. what is the DVD region code in Australia?

2

3. what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow in Australia?

i havent really gotten my metric conversions down yet

4. what is the general public feeling toward Australia's participation in the war in Iraq? (no need to ask about the Australian attitude toward Bush).

I'm afraid to ask. I do know i was talking to some people next to the pool and made a joke "...and everyone hates americans!!" they laughed and said "im glad you said that so we didnt have to"

5. How far outside of the city do you have to go to see Kangaroos in the wild?

10kilometers. theres enough around that people EAT them

6. What are the beaches like - by that I mean, are the waves like Galveston or California or Hawaii or in between somewhere? Havent been to Hawaii, but I think it was pretty comparable to california. And cold!

7. TV - what is on TV and from where - that is, American shows? European shows? Any in foreign languages - Chinese? Pilipino? Spanish? Aborigines?

there are 5 channels here. one of them is international and has a variety of crap on it. the other channels show absolute garbage. mostly american garbage. including the singing bee. or australian versions of american garbage. like "australian idol" or "australian dirty jobs". there are some english shows but i dont know what they are. honestly i havent really watched much tv, but the roommates watch a lot.

8. Are all the men there really named Bruce? Or even a disproportionate number of them? Or is it even a common name?

havent come across any people named bruce... yet!

9. General physical description of the people - tall? American size? Generally physically fit or just as overweight as Americans? Blondes Brunettes or Reds in the majority? What are redheads called? Gingers (British) or Redheads?

people here are definitely not american sized. Theyre fit. It's the lifestyle. As soon as I got here, I noticed that my weight went down by a factor of 1/2.2 (hahaha) ...people bike a lot in this city, and i have seen way too many of my coworkers in biker shorts. there are a lot of taller men, and a lot of people are blonde/blue eyed. but there is a bit of everything here. so far i've only seen 2 gingers. I bet theyre called gingers here.

10. How do you get to work and around town? Do you have a car there or do you hitchhike or take the bus? Are there trains?

I only live about a 5 minute walk from work, so i walk. So far I have only walked and taken cabs....But there are bike baths everywhere. buses everywhere and there are also trains, which travel longer distances - out to the suburbs. of course suburbs here are only a 15minute walk from downtown. Brisbane is along a river and another part of the public transit is called the CityCat, which is essentially a ferry that goes up and down the river. tickets are interchangeable with bus tickets, and it is very fast. it's fun.


(thanks, mike for the questions)

so much for customs

Unable to part with all of my purses, shoes, jewelry, and coveted skinny high school jeans, packing for two years was rather difficult. at the last minute, I found myself throwing miscellaneous crap into a box that i was going to ship to myself. There were piles of unopened bills, my winter coat, a few books, and a prescription antibiotic . I was slightly concerned about the box getting through customs with prescription drugs in, but figured there was enough miscellaneous crap that they would never see it. And that hopefully drug sniffing dogs don't recognize Z-paks. I was right. No one even questioned my box. Which is downright unbelievable because my miscellaneous crap also happened to contain a metronome. Not just any metronome, but the loudest metronome humanly possible. WITH A BATTERY IN IT. Not just a battery, but A WORKING BATTERY. This box arrived at my apartment loudly ticking!! Australia is lucky I'm not a terrorist.

i've now peed on both sides of the pacific

The jellyfish were huge! About 1.5 feet in diameter.

And if you look to the right of the surfers, there is a topless sunbather.

Take note, Australia!

Target used to be my happy place. Need to buy something as annoying as tampons? No problem - just get em at target (and wham!) you've bought not only feminine supplies, but a 6pack of beer, a new shirt, and some lipgloss. It was the perfect PMS cure. Unfortunately I rarely left the store without spending a hundred bucks. In my past couple of days of shopping here, I was secretly just hoping to find a Target. That's all I need. Most of my clothes are from there, and definitely all of my makeup. And at last I found one! But i walked in, and my heart sank. It sucked. S-U-C-K-E-D. It was horribly set up, I didnt see anything I liked. And I swear a fifth of the store was a selection of giant fugly easter hats for old ladies. (Are those in style?) In conclusion - K-mart is the new Target.

first weekend sans jetlag

This friday was my first real night out. It felt like a normal night out in texas actually- started out with happy hour after work. I met lots of new people - the entire time they were talking about plans for the night - who's going to which bar, which party, etc etc. I had pretty much made friends with one girl and was planning on going out with her for the night. She announced "We're going to a house party!! wooo!!!" So I start to listen to others at the happy hour. "you going to brians?" ---" oh yeah, we're going to the weeeeed party."


woah. what? weed party? I am soooo not into going to a weed party with people from work. Or at all. But let's face it. I (a) have no other plans and (b) have no friends. So I decide to go. Luckily they were saying "Wii party". Thank god. Just Nintendo...And I got 2nd place in bowling! yes!!

the end of the night ended up at a bar called regatta, which is not too far from my apartment.
Here is a picture of the toilet. It was a lot like a toilet in jail.



Saturday morning I woke up, called mum and drank a cup o tea, like a good commonwealth girl. And this was my view from the balcony. It was going to be a good day.

after tea, i head downtown. I decided that i was going to let myself be a tourist today. I did totally geeky touristy things. took pictures of stupid stuff, bought stamps and post cards in bulk, walked around looking at maps making others walk around me. no worries though - got some great new pictures of boxes.




And then i happened upon a street preformer. i am certain he is going to haunt my dreams for years.



A few other things worth mentioning....

burger king anyone?


And to my dismay, this store had nothing to do with david bowie. Or davy jones from the monkeys. Bugga!

reducing my risk of osteoporosis in australia ; increased gas production

coffee and milk,
tea and milk,
cookies and milk

I miss you, diet coke.